Ken

it didn't happen for a while after we were dating but whenever
i clenched my teeth and wanted to yell his name for doing something
rude, inconsiderate, or reckless i always almost nearly uttered my brother's name
instead

and it didn't happen after a while but every guy i dated following him i almost called
them "ken" (his name ain't ken but, you know, this is an anonymous site and all)

and every time i get frustrated i think of ken's name
but i have always been good at catching myself.

one time i morphed his name into "ken--you stop!?"
"ken you shut the fuck up?"
"ken, ugh, you leave me alone?"

and it happened with my teachers growing up too. i would raise my hand and face
the blonde inspirer who looked nothing like my mother and almost nearly say,
"mom?!"

and once i imagined her as my mom. i concluded that the teacher couldn't fill her place.
because one time my brother was being a brat and she yelled up the stairs,
"you son of a bitch!"