series of lies#9: by the by, lying after a lie

i felt i needed to take a step back and be responsible,
"i am not looking for a relationship." before this i had been grey, wishy-
washy and probably. yes, not probably. certainly living on
the fiction of friendships, the curtails of doubt and hope
and he said, "we shall see."

no, we shall not see, i said, setting that beer down.
waves of displeasing inebriation could not keep this one down:
"you're boring and intrusive and
have nothing that i want.

you walk like you don't like the ground
and you can't keep a friend longer than a year.

i can't imagine you smiling and you
assume that what you like is what is likeable about you.

you don't ask questions nor do you really answer mine
and you are okay with passing by in
classes that should define you.

you are a lot of things but you are
not much of
anything."

and then i kissed him.




____

two hours after i wrote this i went to grab the chasers
for another "he"s birthday
and as i cash out with a local brew
from a friend's hometown
i see you with a short hair beloit-person
on the surveillance screen


and i search the smallest liquor store for you
and hope to hell i don't have to say hello

and you are no where

is there another store they're surveilling?
are they re-playing the day?

i thought you were dead?