Valentine’s Day is known as a day of love. The last time I’ve spent Valentine’s Day with a girl she told me she cheated on me. I always told others, and myself, that if a woman ever cheated on me I would straight-up leave her. Now that I have been in the position I realize that it is a little bit harder than that. We had been dating for just over two years, my longest relationship. We have had more ups than downs. I took her out to some upscale restaurant in Madison for Valentine’s Day. As I sit across from her, I notice she is unusually quiet and has rarely looked up at me. In a split second I can tell what is wrong. I know that whatever she is going to say, it will change our relationship.
“What is wrong?”
She starts to get teary.
“I kissed another guy.”
She starts to cry in the restaurant. I knew it was more than a kiss. I know this because the guy she cheated on me with had no problem telling me what he did to her over the phone later that month. Yes, he’s an asshole. I have never been cheated on before. I have heard a lot of horror stories from people but I had no idea how bad it really hurt. I loved her. I thought she loved me. She loved him for a long time now, as I later found out. I guess relationships can be founded on lies. So since she lied to me, I decided to lie to her. Not a vengeful lie, but more of an ignorant/desperate lie to get her to stay with me.
“It’s okay. We can work around this. It’s just a bump in our relationship. People make mistakes. I forgive you. Everything will be okay.”
My steak was getting cold in front of me as I just told six lies in a row. She believed everything I said. Everything was not okay. We can’t work through this. I knew it was over but I wanted to hold on to something that was familiar. I knew I wouldn’t have another girlfriend for years. Years without holding someone’s hand, snuggling. Years without kissing. Even though our relationship was a lie, it was so hard to just let that go.
She smiled and we pretended like everything was okay. We lived the lie for a whole extra week before she broke up with me. I don’t know why I didn’t break up with her; I should have let her go. I lied to her because I was desperate. I lied to her because I was scared. I lied to her because I didn’t want to let go.
I knew what the outcomes would be, but I tried anyway. It has been years since that has happened. Still no girlfriend. I am okay with that though. I have grown up and I am proud to have learned a lesson from that terrible time. No more lies, no more desperation, only patience and love for those who love me back.
-Kevin Garfoot
good on you for taking it gracefully and opening up about this so that others can relate...it's hard to leave something familiar even when it hurts you, as you illustrate. at least you've learned to only allow the best for yourself ; that's what's important. thanks for sharing this
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