These Minor Symptoms Throw Me

                                       

     I'm nervous right now. I can't seem to make a calculated move. It's hard to breathe. Am I sweating or am I freezing? My synapses are going haywire. Why did I take that long step? Did you notice? I did. Everything seems clear but jumbled. Did I just say something to you? I did. You just responded. I'm saying something again. How is this happening? I could of said something better than that. My computer is lagging. I don't know who I am right now, in this moment.

     I guess this is my truest self since me, my conscious mind, is lost and no longer in the equation. I'm watching you and I in a movie, from a glass room three stories up, looking down at us, while we carry on. I need a say in this. I want a say in this. You're smiling. Things must be going well...for now. I'm freaking out! Where's the door back into the control room!?!  Too late. Tooooo late. Your walking away. It's only been two minutes but it felt like hours. My mind control center door unlocks. I walk to the seat and resume command. Next time I'll be more brave. Next time I'll be more present. Hey! There is a next time! This was all worth it, because there is a next time with us. Hmmmm...but these minor symptoms throw me.