placehold

i can't find my phone, i am listening to ben's fall album and idrank three cups of coffee and one beer and i have got so much done in just twenty minutes i have no idea what to do with myself. and i really just want to text you that i remembered something you said i wish i had been less busy or "stranded" in my mind to respond the way i want to right now

and i am crying. i wish every one in my life a calmer, more aware me

so they really understand right when it happens that i am listening.

instead, i sit back from time to time and relive everything to its own ends. i wonder if i can fix this double spacing. but, please know, that how fast i may seem there are moments where there is nothing but me replaying everything you said like you're fucking churchill or lombardi

and don't get nervous because with time memories become more graceful. i will always ignore every "um" or "i don't know" you put in to placehold your wisdoms.

One last thing: I had a dream once that it was up to me to teach one person (just one) sign language and i forgot because i was conducting a choir of toads. And sign language became like latin, only for the "cooler than you" people to learn. i dropped the ball and woke up feeling like maybe instead of doing theater and painting while in high school i should have been running track and feeding the poor.

but you win some and you ruin some.